My Biggest Fears Right Now
I fear that people will think I think I am the coolest thing in the world.
I fear my books and heart will be misunderstood, tainting my witness.
I fear letting people down. Even and especially church leadership, or any other Christian arena.
I fear my version of inspiration and contribution will not measure up to other Christian’s standards.
I fear others will think I am in it for the money (I am not, I assure you. I have cents-pay to prove it).
I fear people who are further ahead than me will think I am a know-it-all since I love to share what I’ve learned.
I fear people will think I like to brag (I don’t and spent years hiding so many things for fear of that…and now feel *free* to celebrate victories).
I fear I will spend too much time trying to perfect things that are not near as important as the betterment of the writing craft.
I fear I will never fit in where I “should” and then I read Stacey Pardoe’s post and cry a little.
I fear others will always want to be ministered to when I really just want to receive, or go to the bathroom alone for once. #momproblems
I fear that last honest sentence will make me seem like a bad mom. And I really do want to serve. We just get tired sometimes right?
Why I Write Out My Fears
Those are the thoughts threatening to plague my mind.
But if I write them out I can do a few things.
- Acknowledge them instead of denying them.
- Open my heart up to healing and growth.
- Build faith muscle to push through them anyway.
I know if I write out what’s bothering me, and pray about it, my spirit will soar above them eventually. There is an added benefit of sharing fears with the body of Christ, a small community, or a person you can trust. For me, when I share certain fears, they hold little to no power over me afterward. It’s like they lose their big bark. It’s like the pressure pops.
Sure, I may have to go back and do it again tomorrow or later in the week, but that is life this side of Heaven. As we practice surrendering the fears, we learn to lean on God more and care more about HIS thoughts of us.
Everyday is afresh with His mercies.
What sorts of things are boggling your mind or bringing your spirit down today?
Maybe we can pray for each other as we walk in this call to write, to help make the world a brighter place one page at a time.
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“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12