The lake water smacked the docks hard and the kayak ramp sloshed back and forth in the choppy waters. I grabbed my husband to not fall, but Chloe just sat down and overlooked the scape. My hubs has been on FMLA since the beginning of December, so about a month ago when we got a warmer day (windier but warmer!) we left to soak up some soul fuel together. It was a local place we liked to hang out at from time to time. There’s only so much work (chores, writing, whatever) a person can do before it is realized, “We just need to stop. This will never all get done. Let’s go get some fresh air.”
And my thoughts on soul fuel in hard circumstances of life:
Sometimes simple things seem to heal a ton.
Sometimes it feels like nothing is big enough to solve our problems.
But then there’s Jesus and the peace he gives.
Not as the world gives, and I have pondered on that truth for many minutes lately.
I need a different peace. One that lasts. Because life is hard sometimes, y’all.
But we have a hope that goes beyond what we can see, feel, or imagine.
It is anchored in faith, and it will not leave us. Ever.
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**As I write, I do not speak for anyone else, nor have I purposely included my spouse to make “I”–“we” since this is from my own vantage point.
If Lengthy Trials are Wearing You Down
Life has been trying these past few months. It’s been difficult to navigate waters I am unfamiliar with. My faith has been tested, it feels to its’ very core, and though I wish I could say I blazed through the days gloriously without trip, I would be mistaken if I did.
I have failed much and clung to God lots.
I have wept bitterly as wordless prayers advanced from my lips.
I’ve felt the sting of fear and loneliness in places I have never known.
As tempting as it is to polish this off with only pretty endings and tied bows, I want to share both sides.
Because some things are still unfinished.
Some seasons are longer than others.
And the reality is,…
There are times I feel close to God in my pain, and times he feels far away.
There are times the tears are replaced with laughter, and times they are followed up by silence.
Only time and mental truth + hope rehearsals seem to heave me out of its’ dark pit.
There are times I do all the “right spiritual things” and still seem to have a panging in my gut, there are times it seems to work.
The point is not to say hope is fake. What have we here? This is a sham, scam, and phony. No…
Somethings are still unfinished. And hope is not done doing its’ work within us.
We are holding tight to God and learning to let go of erected lives we built for ourselves long ago.
They weren’t showing up. But this life is, and God is here to stay.
He is not leaving me, so why should I be afraid?
We keep on keeping on, by faith — moving forward even when the hope to make all things right feels light years away.
Only God’s word buried in my heart, and delivered fresh in the now — can carry me through. I will not give up. I shall triumph. In Jesus name, he will provide a way for me to make it through this time of trying and pain. He has always provided, I know he will keep on keeping on right with me. With us.