Fat tears fell hard on my pillow. My child ran into my bedroom. “What’s wrong, mommy?” I tried to smile through the pain and mentally tossed a coin as to which way the conversation should go. Because a responsible mom doesn’t give their kid too much detail, right? Yet in my own adultish living I was begging for something real. My child stared blankly; innocently.
“I will be alright, hun. Sometimes we just need a good cry.”
And we hugged tightly.
I had been going to church each week, multiple times, but felt utterly disconnected. I was homeschooling three kids in three different grades, my spouse was hardly ever home, and I served in three different avenues within the church. Feeling like an octopus would be an understatement.
But no matter how weary I grew, I’d always shove the weak part down like after you make a cheeseburger or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. A lot of my life I have spent trying to make a name for myself because I never fully believed I was worth much without doing so. I have had a wrong view of my Father God, Jesus Friend, and Holy Spirit. You live from a ladder-rung-climbing state when you constantly feel like you need to prove yourself (to daddy, grandpa, church leader, spouse, SELF…).
Exchanging Perfect Ideals For Your Actual Life
It took a while to stop chasing a mirage of a perfect life lived in tip-top shape where the kids obey on command, your house is squeaky clean, you are twelve blog posts ahead, your husband dances in the front door after being away for weeks on end, and you single-handedly get all dozen Sunday school kids to sit perfectly still.
- It took a while to let go and grow past old-man-sins so the new could rise up and lead the way.
- It took a while after surrendering my doings to God, in order to say yes to him over my own idea of what a “good Christian woman” looked like.
- It took many tear-filled nights and pleas with God before I “felt” okay with my spouse being gone so much at the time.
- It took a long season of surrender to say, “Not my will, but yours, Lord,” to wear the shoes of peace instead of just teaching them to other people in my life (ouch!)
As I’ve walked some tough roads over the past 15 years, and namely the last 5 — I fall on my knees in praise and awe at how God has used people like YOU to bless me and touch hurt and confused parts within. This last chunk of hard was not something I ever expected to culminate into reality, but alas it did.
Just as my spouse had to take a break from his job in order to put his health first, God sent bloggers of faith, women of faith, to reach out and be Jesus to us from afar. Because of writers who refuse to let their word-gifts sit idly on the sidelines, my own soul has been nourished more times than I can count.
This week as the Reboot Course for Faith Bloggers launches, I can’t stop thinking about the generosity of people, and how the church can not be contained by hell, by an idea inside of a box, or by brick buildings with stained glass windows.
You are the church.
I am the church.
WE are the church, because HE lives.
Debbie Putman is one of many who has blessed my heart with words of faith, sharing from experience her life lessons (the ups and downs both). She just so happened to be my Christmas blogger exchange buddy this past year, and her package arrived on a hard day, surprising our whole family with baked yummies and more. Her blog post caught my attention last week because she started off with a struggle, and as most of us know…when we are going through the ringer, we tend to be drawn to other stories which showcase God working through the weakness + pain in life. Please read & share her post, and drop her a kind note too! Thanks, Debbie for being you.
1) We are looking for BETA testers for our new Facebook Tea & Word Community Group Page. This page allows bloggers to share certain posts/links on specific threads during the week. We have an outline but need a few bloggers to visit the link and see if it’s viewable. It is a closed group, so we have to approve you. If you are interested in being a guinea pig, CLICK HERE + give us feedback (like, if you can see it at all, if it asks you to be approved by admin, etc) by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org ~ Thanks a bunch!!
2) We have a few Reboot Mini Course reviewers lined up but are seeking a few more. If you’d be interested in getting our course curriculum free in exchange for an honest review, we would appreciate it and as a way of saying thank you, want to feature our reviewers on our new landing page, currently under construction. There are a few things we ask you to do, and these will be emailed to you upon request. To inquire, please email email@example.com ~ Thanks!