I was a young child, dreaming big and believing the sky was the limit. There was a whole life ahead of me and my heart was filled with boatloads of ideas and inspiration on a daily basis. Days were spent traipsing across farmer’s fields, playing in nearby creeks, and scouting my surroundings from our treehouse-wanna-be.
There was plenty of time to just be myself, to explore and discover. No pressure laid therein to figure out who I was going to be when I grew up because life as a child moved by slowly -days seeming as weeks, a treasure most of us adults can say we truly do miss.
What happened to those inspired blue eyes, lit up by daily curiosities that led to adventures untold? Where did she go? Why did she end up wandering off into a world ready to fashion her to its own mold? Why did she enter the world as an empty glass desperately needing to be filled?
Discovering My Truest Identity Through Brokenness
I can now answer that after many years of trying to prove myself. It probably started as a young child when I would follow my dad around everywhere he went. As he tinkered, I would gaze. He would go outside to mow the lush green grass. I would follow. I would tag along with my little plastic mower and cover the yard opposite him. Those were the days I felt he loved me most.
There were many times that he would rather not be bothered though, but desired to just get his work done peacefully by himself. On the days when I didn’t feel welcome, I took it as a rejection and my insides would curl up in a ball and cry. Those were the days I felt unwanted.
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